MYRTLE BEACH MASTODONS [GM GOOCH]

[Talon]

Team Information
City: Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Conference:  Eastern
Division: Mid South
Team Owner: Chad McNelis
Team Secretary:  Andy Stankowitz

Official Colors:

Garnett (#73000A)
Black (#000000)

Team History:
Season 13 Expansion Team.
In the S15/16 Off-Season Trey Gallops admitted to participating in a scheme with other owners to commit fraud and embezzlement.  He sold the team that off-season as a means to repay the league for the money he had been found to have embezzled. In Season 16 The NFT King Chad McNelis purchased the franchise. Shortly after his purchase, McNelis relocated the team to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina and rebranded them as the Myrtle Beach Mastodons

Season 13: 5-11-0 [GM Gators]
Season 14: 6-9-1 [GM Gators]
Season 15: 1-14-1 [GM Gators/GM Gooch]
Season 16: 3-13-0 [GM Gooch]
Season 17: 9-7-0 [GM  Gooch]

Playoff Appearances:
Season 17: 0-1 (Wildcard Round)

RETIRED NUMBERS
None

[Talon]

S15 LOCK IN

OFFENSE:
1. Jon Mathias (Arm Strength)
2. Randy Castro (Agility)
3. Robert Dobbins (Hands)
4. Robert Dobbins (Agility)

DEFENSE:
1. Jonas Murphy (IQ)
2. Berry Blue (Agility)
3. Carl Laney (Agility)
4. Francisco Adams (Agility)


STRATEGY


OFFENSE
Attitude: Balanced
Focus: Balanced
Tempo: Slow
Passing Focus: Balanced
Pass To: Balanced
Primary Receiver: Todd Pike
Running Focus: Balanced
Running Backs: Running
Backfield Focus: Bell Cow
Tight End Focus: Mixed

DEFENSE
Attitude: Aggressive
Focus: Pass
Primary Coverage: Coach's Decision
D-Line Focus: Pass Rush
Linebacker Focus: Balanced
Player Radio: Carroll Lang
Match CBs to WRs?: Yes


Playing Time: Mostly Starters


TEAM CAPTAINS GM's MUST COMPLETE THIS TASK
1. Mervin Patton
2. Robert Dobbins
3. Ryan Bogan
4. Carroll Lang
5. Lukas Kroos
6. Bernard Herrera


OFFENSE MASTER DEPTH CHART

QB- Mervin Patton
QB2- Alvaro Chacon-Gutierrez
QB3- Richard Felix
QB4- Jon Mathias

RB1- Andre Dillon
RB2- Henry Fish
RB3- Paco Salazar

FB- Paco Salazar
FB2- Henry Thompson

TE1- Kevin Logan
TE2- Franz Lindenburg

WR1- Todd Pike
LWR4- Aaron Vines

WR2- Robert Dobbins
WR5- Edward Tuttle
WR6- Ed Flincher

WR3- Michael Griswold

LT- Ryan Bogan
LT2- Weldon Jeter

LG- Jerry Furman
LG2- Randy Castro

C- James Luong
C2- John Larsen

RG- Robert Sapp
RG2- David Atkins

RT- Michael Osorio
RT2- Robert Noyes


DEFENSE MASTER DEPTH CHART

DT1- Michael Barclay
DT3- Boris Brown

DT2-James Urban
DT4- Luke Cummins

RE1- David Nutt
RE2- Jonas Murphy

LE1- Casey Thorpe
LE2- Carmelo Way

MLB1- Carroll Lang
MLB2- Carl Laney

ROLB1- Lukas Kroos
ROLB2- Carl Laney

LOLB1- Antoine Hedrick
LOLB2- Steven Orlando

CB1- Kurtis Coughlin
CB4-Berry Blue

CB2- Edward Milligan
CB5- Richard Click

CB3- Abraham Bittner
CB6- Larry Xavier

FS1- Leroy Herron
FS2- Tommy Motley

SS1- Bernard Herrera
SS2- Francisco Adams

SPECIAL TEAMS MASTER DEPTH CHART

K- Larry Legg
P- Perry Trout

KR1- Aaron Vines
KR2- Edward Tuttle
KR3- Ed Flincher
KR4- Michael Griswold

PR1- Aaron Vines
PR2- Edward Tuttle



PLAY CALLING


OFFENSE RUN/PASS RATIO: Coach's Decision

Play Caller: (Offensive Coordinator)
1st and 10: Coach's Decision
1st and Short: Coach's Decision
1st and Long: Coach's Decision
2nd and Short: Coach's Decision
2nd and Long: Coach's Decision
3rd and Short: Coach's Decision
3rd and Long: Coach's Decision
4th and Short: Coach's Decision
4th and Long: Coach's Decision
Goal Line: Coach's Decision
Last 2 Mins (Ahead): Coach's Decision
Last 2 Mins (Behind): Coach's Decision

DEFENSE BLITZ RATIO: Coach's Decision

Play Caller: Head Coach
1st and 10: Coach's Decision
1st and Short: Coach's Decision
1st and Long: Coach's Decision
2nd and Short: Coach's Decision
2nd and Long: Coach's Decision
3rd and Short: Coach's Decision
3rd and Long: Coach's Decision
4th and Short: Coach's Decision
4th and Long: Coach's Decision
Goal Line: Coach's Decision
Last 2 Mins (Ahead): Coach's Decision
Last 2 Mins (Behind): Coach's Decision



MUSICAL LICENSES (GM MUST COMPLETE THIS TASK)

1. High Hopes by Panic! At the Disco
Played as team takes the field pre-game.


2. Final Countdown by Europe
Played at the 2-minute warning in the 4th Quarter.


COIN TOSS PREFERENCE

Heads
Defer

[GM Gators]

(Johnny Gators is at the podium ready for his press conference.)

Before we get started I wanted to introduce you to Intern Frank...

(A man who appears to be in his late 20s, early 30s steps into view holding a yellow poster board.)

You're probably wondering what Intern Frank is doing here. Here's the deal. A lot of people doubt Johnny Gators. They wonder if my elevator runs all the way to the top floor. They wonder why I ramble on and on before press conferences.

I want you to know that I'm not as dumb as I look. And to prove it, I've got Intern Frank here. He'll be joining me all year at these press conferences. And at the appropriate time I'll have him show you what the other side of that sign says.

Now. Let's get on to the questions, shall we?

Welcome back, lets talk off-season.  What was your off-season like, what was your biggest addition to your team, and who is someone you wish you didn't lose?

I was extra pleased this offseason because it seemed like our big guys who came on board weren't just coming for the money--they see this as a place where they can make a name for themselves and make history. I like the energy I'm feeling these days in Louisville.

Biggest addition is impossible for me to answer. Getting Sapp and Luong were huge for us. And then we had a few sneaky picks in the late rounds of the draft that I think people might look back on in the future and say they were just steals. To get Jon Matthias late and to get John Larsen on the end of the draft, those two picks already look brilliant. I can just imagine how they'll look in a few years.

I want to say a word about Mr. Matthias in particular. I had my eyes on him for a few rounds. I thought from what I had to look at there might be something special there. A chance to sneak in under the radar and snag him if we could. And so, when he was still there I had a suspicion he'd be worth picking up. And wouldn't you know it...

Turn that sign around Intern Frank...

(Johnny Gators gestures toward Intern Frank who has turned the sign around to reveal the words "Johnny Gators was Right.")

All right, Intern Frank. I've had my fun with that for this week. You can go have a seat.

(Intern Frank shuffles out of view, taking the yellow poster board with him)

We've had several guys come and go over the past few years, and it's not an easy thing for me because I really do care about the men who come into this organization and represent Louisville.

I think the departure that stung the most was Mr. Mackey. And it's not any animosity that he left or anything...it just surprised me how quickly he signed somewhere else in free agency and got out of town. We're grateful for the time we had him here, and that game-winning grab he made for us, coming in injured and getting the job done...that will be Louisville legend for years to come.



Take us back to Draft Day, what lead to you taking the player you took with your first pick?

Research. Analysis. And a little bit of holding our breath and hoping for the best.

I liked what I saw from doing homework on Carl Laney. We always want to keep our linebacker corps strong. I figured with his stats, and the accolades he'd picked up for playing the position he was worth the investment. Now we'll see if he can prove himself in the weight room, on the practice field, and on the field of play.

Time will tell if I was right on that one or not. I'm not ready to wave the yellow sign around on that one yet. But when he proves himself, don't think I won't!

Coming out of Training Camp who is the player you wish you would have seen on your "most improved list" that you didn't see?

My mom taught me to be honest, and I don't have an honest answer to that. I wasn't looking at the list with a specific expectation of wanting or needing any one particular player there. I can say looking over our roster and how things look out of camp, I am hopeful our defensive backs will rise to the occasion. Some offenses are going to look at our defense and think they can get away with passing all over us, and I'm looking forward to seeing our guys take offense at that, step up and prove them wrong.


If you were to improve one position on your team with a trade before the season starts, what position do you target, and are you looking to trade picks or players to get a deal done?

I think our offensive and defensive lines are both looking better. Took a lot of work there. Cornerback would be the position we'd want to enhance, whether that's a trade that makes sense or seeing our existing CBs step up. If it were a trade, I'd be open for anything that made sense. Picks...players...combination. Whatever.


How many wins should your fan base expect this year, realistically what should fans expect to see?

These fans have the right to expect a winning team. My plan was to be competitive year 1, to find a way into the playoffs in year 2, and then to be no-doubters in the playoffs year 3. We were ALMOST on schedule last year, just missed winning the division outright. So we have some catching up to do, but I'm still aiming to make the playoffs and make a statement in the playoffs.

[Talon]

Welcome back, I'm sure you've got some questions for me, so where do you want to start?

[GM Gators]

Hi there Coach Murdoch. Good to see you.

Let's just start with the elephant in the room: cornerbacks.

I'll keep looking for a move I can make that doesn't do us more harm than good. In the meantime, how do we minimize the chance of getting exploited there. Blitz more? Play Bittner and Blue more snaps to keep Coughlin or Milligan fresh?

[Talon]

I think we have to make a decision on strategy, do we try to play bend but dont break and let this defense play conservatively, or do we try to get home to the quarterback and play risk/reward with a lot of blitzing.  I'm fine with either option, but what do you want to do?

[GM Gators]

My gut says let's bring the heat and see what happens.

I see The General is back to a 5-star rating at QB. Who do I thank for that?!

And behind Mr. Patton we've got Matthias and ACG both new to the team. What's the story on them? Are their strengths similar, or does one bring something to the table the other one doesn't?

[Talon]

I credit the return to "5-star" for The General being that he's had a year to get comfortable in the offense and get back to his best.

As for the other QBs, Mathias is another high IQ QB with solid accuracy and decent arm strength, while ACG is a more athletic QB who is more of a west-coast offense guy due to a lack of arm strength, but he has great accuracy in the short game and can run the ball if needed.   

[GM Gators]

(The gears are turning in Johnny Gators' brain as he processes the information. This takes a borderline-awkward amount of time. Finally, concerned he might be annoying his head ball coach, Johnny Gators speaks)

Well, that opens up some very interesting possibilities I'll keep in mind. Feels like we're in good shape with QB depth, so I like that.

Mr. Larsen seems like he's just too good to sit on the bench behind Luong all season. I'm thinking of trying him out at tackle. But I've got a few concerns I'd like your input on...

1. Do you think he's willing to try it? I know some guys get to the pros and they only want to think about playing their "normal" position.

2. If he's working on learning tackle, are we goofing him up in the long run? If it looks like he could be a top-notch center for years to come, I'm not sure I want to mess that up by rushing him onto the field somewhere else.

[Talon]

Since we have Luong as a long term center, I think converting John to tackle makes sense in the long run and the short term, but we need to invest early and often into his position training or he could struggle just as early and just as often.

[GM Gators]

Roger that. I'll get the ball rolling.

Last question I have for you right now is about receivers. Mr. Dobbins had a great camp, I'm curious how he stacks up right now compared to Mr. Pike especially.

Coming into camp I was figuring Pike-Dobbins-Griswold in that order. But the young man did so well that now I'm second guessing myself.

[Talon]

I'd definitely go with Dobz as our #1

[GM Gators]

Thank you, Coach Murdoch. I'll take care of it.

We're starting with a tough team, so we get to see how we measure up to top competition right away. I like it.

I'm always confident in you, and I know we've got a great group of guys this year to get us to the next level.

By the way...I thought I heard their GM say he thinks his team will win 12 or 13 games this year. So I'll be doubly happy if you and the boys go give 'em a big metaphorical punch in the mouth. Compliments of the fine citizens of Louisville, Kentucky.

(Johnny Gators excuses Coach Murdoch and calls for his secretary)

Miss Tracy, my records are showing that with Mr. Lindenburg's retirement we need one more player to fill our roster before we can lock in. I don't always do numbers the best, and I'd hate to get on the league office's bad side. If you could verify that for me, I can hop on the phones right away.

[Talon]

According to our team sheet we have one open roster spot and 1,050,000.00 in salary available. I thought I shared this with you but maybe I'm wrong?

[GM Gators]

I'm an old man, Tracy. You probably did. My apologies.

Let's get a call in to Patrick Swift's agent. Mr. Rosenhaus I believe.

-----

Thank you for taking my call. Johnny Gators here in Louisville, Kentucky.

I'm looking over my paperwork here...is it true your client Patrick Swift is a man without a roster spot?

I've got one with his name on it if he'll sign for the year at $750k.

[Talon]

DEAL

[GM Gators]

Thank you! I have the paperwork expedited to the league office. Look forward to having Mr. Swift here.

---

Tracy, Looks like it's time to get the paperwork handled. A few updates...


QB- Mervin Patton
QB2- Jon Mathias
QB3- Alvaro Chacon-Gutierrez
QB4- Richard Felix

RB1- Andre Dillon
RB2- Henry Fish
RB3- Paco Salazar

TE1- Kevin Logan
TE2- Patrick Swift

WR1- Robert Dobbins
LWR4- Aaron Vines

WR2- Todd Pike
WR5- Edward Tuttle
WR6- Ed Flincher

WR3- Michael Griswold

C- James Luong
C2- John Larsen

RT- John Larsen
RT2- Michael Osorio
RT3- Robert Noyes


Defensive Attitude: Aggressive.
All play calling: Coach's Decision

LOCK IN

[GM Gators]

(We are looking live at the media room. It isn't quite time to start yet, but Intern Frank is showing a yellow sign that says "Johnny Gators was Right" to the assembled journalists. Johnny Gators is standing up and talking.)

I know some people were wondering if it was the right decision to place our confidence in Larry Legg. To be patient and to bring him back this year. Well, I think based on Week 1 and looking at how he performed today...

Wave that sign a little Intern Frank. Make sure these people can see it.

Discuss your week 1 results, what were you happy with, what were you disappointed with?

(Johnny Gators walks over to the table and takes a seat. He retrieves what looks like a flask and pours something into his Dr Pepper. He grimaces and takes a swig)

Before anybody gets any ideas it's just Maple syrup. It gives the Dr Pepper a nice little pop.

You should try it sometime. It could be a social media sensation...Hashtag Johnny Gators Maple Syrup Challenge. I can imagine the Tick Tack videos already.

We're disappointed with the loss because we always hate losing. Miami's got a good team. They have high expectations. Looks like we have a little further to go before we're on that top level than I would've hoped.

Proud of the boys for fighting. And they really did. Miami won the game, but I think they'll remember us for awhile. We made 'em work for it.

It's good to get this team on the field and see how the new guys will do. We've got a ways to go, but we've got plenty more opportunities.

How do you feel about not having pre-season this year?

I had come to enjoy our annual camaraderie with Tucson. But it's a long season and it saves some of our guys from reps that might lead to injuries. So, I'm all right with no preseason.

What did you think of Alejandro McGhee's comments about the Bay Area Sea Lions being able to beat any HIFL club?

I think it's a clever move to get free publicity. And since you're talking about it in a HIFL press conference you've played right into their hands. Nice going!

Discuss any news that interested you, if you had team specific news address it first.

I hope GM Dario doesn't pull a hammy out there.

And I think what happened in Orlando is proof that you really have to put a lot of due diligence into these international talents. It's a lot of work, and teams might have to think about whether the rewards that might come from it are worth the risks.

We didn't fool with that this year. It seemed like more trouble than it's worth to me. Maybe that will change in the future.

Discuss your next opponent and game.   How likely do you feel your team is to win this contest?

Nothing comes easy in HIFL, and I look at Michigan as kind of a rejuvenated, re-energized team. They've taken some bumps in the past year or two, and I think they have a newfound optimism.

I like our chances. Truth of the matter is, for us to get where we're wanting to go we're going to have to win the games we're "supposed" to win, and we'll need to snatch a few games that we aren't "supposed" to win.

This is one of those games that a lot of people don't think we should win. I like our chances to snatch it.

[Talon]

Not a great start but I expect the General to take control against Michigan this weekend.

[GM Gators]

I'm with you, Coach. Miami might have grabbed the win, but I don't think they'll be forgetting how physical we were anytime soon.

Looks like we did a decent job of getting to the quarterback. How does Michigan's O-line compare to Miami's?

[Talon]

 

They have a very talented left tackle in Lidstrom but the rest are good, not great.

[GM Gators]

All right. Well if that's the case, let's keep the blitzing where we had it. I don't see a need to dial back if their line's not likely to make us pay for it.

I'm keeping my eyes open for a CB1 on the trade market, but I think that's going to take awhile.

For now we've got what we've got. Let's line 'em up, try again, and bring home win 1 this week.

Is there anything in our game plan where I've tied your hands and you need me to let them loose?

[Talon]

 

No sir, we're good.

[GM Gators]

Very well. Thank you Coach Murdoch.

----

Tracy,

Strategy and all stays the same from last week. We're ready to get one in the win column.

LOCK IN

[GM Gators]

(Johnny Gators is in position and already talking, even though it isn't time for his press conference to start)

Always a pleasure to see you folks. I am going to address the elephant in the room first. It's blatantly obvious to anybody who's been paying attention to anything these past couple of weeks...

Intern Frank is not here today.

I gave him the day off. He's fine. Definitely not having a massive bout of explosive diarrhea or anything like that. Everything's fine. I'm just not in the mood to gloat about how smart I am this week.

So let's go ahead and get to the questions, shall we?

Discuss your week 2 results, what were you happy with, what were you disappointed with?

Very happy with our offense's ability to produce yardage. Disappointed by all the turnovers. I mean, how could you not be?

But we've got a locker room full of grown men. They're as mad about the turnovers as I am, and I'm confident they'll straighten it out.


After two weeks do you feel your team is where you thought they would be, if not what is the biggest area of improvement needed?

We weren't expecting an 0-2 start. We haven't been as competitive as expected, even though we've played very strong competition to start the season. As for what needs improved, everything's open for discussion. Turnovers are an easy target. It looks like our run defense needs a little work, too.

Are you happy with the play of your quarterback so far? Where do you rank him across the league's 32 starters?

Look, to be fair...I don't keep tabs on all 32 starting quarterbacks in this league. Rankings always have subjectivity to them, so they're only relevant to a certain degree. So I won't put a "rank" on him.

What I will say is if you told me today I could have Merv Patton as my QB or I could have any other HIFL QB as my QB, I'd say "Give me Mr. Patton."

I have that much confidence in his physical abilities, and the leadership and work ethic he brings to this team.


Discuss any news that interested you, if you had team specific news address it first.

I don't know how you come up with Louisville as the weakest team in the league, but you've got to sell newspapers somehow I guess.

We've got plenty of season left, we'll see how things shake out.

While I'm thinking about it, my compliments to GM Kirk and his thinking outside the box. Sleep studies for the whole team. And then it turns out it might already be making an impact for them. Bravo, GM Kirk. Well played.


Discuss your next opponent and game.   Where is your biggest advantage?

Our biggest advantage is we've been kicked around for two weeks and our men are hungry to get a victory and turn down the volume on the critics.

Playing at home is also an advantage. When Music City came to our place before we played very well.

Knowing this is a division game is also an advantage. We know if we take care of business in the division then the playoffs are right there in front of us. It won't be easy, but it's there for us.
   

[Talon]

 

Our corners are getting torched and Im not happy about it.  Couglin had given up 13 catches on 14 targets.   Milligan has given up 11 on 15 targets.   Bittner is looking old and slow, and I'm not sure Blue is quite ready to take on a top end CB role, but he has not given up a catch on two targets so far in his limited playing time.   Herrera hasn't done anything to pop off of the page yet and Leroy Herron hasn't been bad, but he hasn't been a difference maker yet either.

Lang's struggled in coverage so far too, but at 36 its to be expected.

[GM Gators]

I appreciate those insights, Coach. And I understand your frustration. I appreciate your patience while we try to work through this.

Let's start with Bittner and Blue, then...

Since Mr. Bittner is showing some age, and Mr. Blue probably needs a little more time...what if we ease Blue into it. Do you think he can handle 50% of the snaps at CB3, or should be bring him along slower and give him 25%? That would take some of the load off of Bittner and give us a better sample size to analyze for Blue.

[Talon]

 

I think we could give him a crash course and throw him in 50% of the time to see how he does and adjust from there.  If he struggles badly we can back him down to 25% or something, but if he rises to the occasion, then we all win.

[GM Gators]

I like it. Fifty percent it is. If the kid can step up, well we certainly need it. And maybe it'll light a fire under Coughlin that will get him back into form.

Step two then is...what about our defensive attitude? We've been aggressive, not sure it's been working. Are we having *any* kind of luck at getting to the QB?

[Talon]

Aggressive doesn't mean blitzing as much as it means mentality.  Playing to force turnovers, to make big plays, its high risk high reward.  We've only had 5 sacks, 4 additional pressures and 2 additional QB knockdowns, but that's not on our aggression as much as our blitz ration and our guys ability to blitz.

[GM Gators]

Thanks for clarifying that for me, Coach.

Maybe I'm wired wrong, but it's hard for me to say anything other than "Let's stay aggressive!" I'll leave the blitzing up to you, but let's keep that mentality.

I don't see anything else game plan wise I need to ask you. If you wouldn't mind sending Mr. Dillon up for just a minute I'd appreciate it.

One more thing, Coach...

I know this is not how we pictured the season started, and the last 8-10 games have had plenty of frustration. So I especially appreciate how you're staying in the fight. There's a lot of season left, brighter days are coming, and you're the best in the business.

Good luck out there.


----

Mr. Dillon,

A word sir. Thanks for stopping by.

I know we aren't exactly where we'd like to be after two weeks, but I wanted to commend you on all these yards you're piling up. Looks like you're rounding back into All-Pro form, and I suspect we're about to see some touchdowns piling up too!

[Talon]

 

You know it boss, I'm bringing it on every snap, the end zone is always the goal.

[GM Gators]

You know this by now, but I'll say it anyway: don't pay any of these critics any mind unless you're using it as motivation to shut them up. Critics are too full of themselves to see straight, so don't sweat 'em.

Big game this week. Your time to shine. Your time to be "the Kingslayer."

Go get 'em!

-------

Tracy,

It's time to get the paperwork handled.

One depth chart tweak...

At CB3 I want Abraham Bittner and Berry Blue each playing approximately 50% of the snaps.

Our defensive attitude remains aggressive.

Everything else is Coach's decision.

You're the best, Tracy. Thanks for all the help!

LOCK IN

[GM Gators]

(Johnny Gators is seated at the table in the Louisville Woodpeckers media room. The mood is somber. Intern Frank is here, but his yellow sign is nowhere to be seen, and he's fighting back tears. Gators, for his part, appears a bit misty-eyed himself. He's already talking, even though it isn't technically time to start yet)

...And people saw what I did that day, and apparently the Johnny Gators Maple Syrup Challenge has become enough of a hit, that I'm happy to announce the first tangible fruits of labor in my new work with Yukon Organic Sports Health Institute...

(Johnny Gators reaches into his pocket and retrieves what looks like a flask. But on the flask is a label that reads "Johnny Gators Bootleg Maple")

Coming soon to a store near you. It's a convenient way to take a little Maple Syrup with you on the go, and discreetly tip some into any drink. And Johnny Gators' Bootleg Maple uses only the highest quality Maple Syrup we could get our mitts on.

None of the Mackey Maple trees are mature enough to be producing their own syrup yet, but when they do Johnny Gators' Bootleg Maple will be even better. And it's already the best!

(Johnny Gators looks at the clock on the back of the wall)

All right. It looks like everybody's had time to show up who's going to show up. I appreciate those who have. I've been asked to conduct this conference and explain why I've resigned from the fine Louisville Woodpeckers franchise. And once I've done that I might answer a few questions.

First things first, I've been treated splendidly here in Louisville. I've loved the city since I showed up, and I love the organization. My decision to resign is a combination of the right opportunity to pursue a passion I've had to put on the side or back burner for years, and that recent trends suggest somebody else can come to Louisville and do better with this franchise than what I'm doing right now.

YOSHI approached me with this opportunity, and it was just a dream come true for a citizen scientist like me. I'm grateful for the opportunity, and even more grateful to Mr. Gallops. He saw the situation, and even though it puts him in at least a short-term bind, he could tell what this meant for me and the fact we are able to part on good terms just means the world to me.

I have to thank every man who's ever put on a Louisville Woodpeckers uniform. It has been a privilege to be your General Manager. I have loved all these men like sons, and the business side of football for me is so hard sometimes because I cared about all these guys, still do, and it's hard to balance everything that needs to be balanced.

I especially want to thank the original Louisville Woodpecker, Carroll Lang. He is the epitome of what I wanted this franchise to be all about. In just over two seasons we've had several great men in Louisville, and they all deserve their attention. Carroll Lang started it all.

I also need to thank all the coaches, past and current. Especially coach Frosty Murdoch. I truly believe Coach Murdoch is the best head coach in the game. And if there's only one decision I've made right in my HIFL days, it's making Frosty Murdoch a head coach.

He has been patient with Old Man Gators. My departure might end up being a tremendous blessing for him. Maybe the next GM won't be such a bonehead. The Louisville Woodpeckers organization owes so much to Frosty Murdoch, and on behalf of a grateful franchise and city, I say Thank You.

Thanks also to my secretary Tracy. She's been put through a lot of legwork and grief. Never complained. She's an asset to the league and to the Louisville organization.

Trey Gallops...you took a chance on an unproven strange old man who said he could be a general manager. I appreciate your confidence, and I'm sorry it didn't get this franchise farther down the road than it is right now. We've done some impressive things for a franchise in just its third year. I know I gave it the old college try. But missing the playoffs last season will always haunt me, and I will always want good things for this organization: including a future with many more wins.

I wish the Louisville franchise all the best. You will always have a special place in Old Man Gators' heart.

I will accept a few questions.

Can you speak to rumors that you're just stepping away until a better opportunity opens up?

Yes. Those rumors are unfounded and untrue.

I am retired from being a professional football General Manager. My resignation is all about pursuing this dream research opportunity with YOSHI.

The press release said something about you getting to do research in a safe environment? What's that about?

That's YOSHI's polite way of saying "We're giving Gators access to a lab so he doesn't blow anything up out in his workshop." Part of what makes this opportunity so great for me is I'll have access to equipment and facilities I just couldn't get into on my own, especially not as a citizen scientist.

What will you miss the most about being a HIFL General Manager?

The people, and watching a team grow and keep striving toward achieving the next objective.


What do you think was your best success and biggest regret as a GM?

I already told you hiring Coach Murdoch was the best thing I did.

But as a second thing...I thought we did a great job of getting this team from zero to football ready back in S13. To start from nothing and then get the team we put on the field, I thought that was a big accomplishment. And to be able to keep adding pieces and build this team has been great.

As for regrets...I just regret that my assessment of reality very often didn't match actual reality. I would think we'd made a giant leap forward with one part of the team or another, and the reality is it would be a solid improvement, but not the huge improvement I thought it was. I regret that I was not as strong an evaluator of talent as I thought I was.

Can you tell us what YOSHI is working on that might be relevant to HIFL?

YOSHI is, as you know now, about organic sports nutrition. And so yes, I'm developing some things that might help to that end. I know YOSHI didn't give me this grant only out of the goodness of their hearts. They think I'm on track with something that can change the game. Or even change all the games.

I'm not at liberty of getting too specific right now. What I can tell you is, if my research progresses like I expect it to you will not have heard the last of Johnny Gators or of YOSHI.


I appreciate your coming. Please no further questions right now. Again, I'll say thank you to YOSHI for this new partnership...

But more importantly at this moment: my thanks to the Louisville Woodpeckers, all the coaches, staff, and players who have ever worked with and for me. And to the HIFL. It's the best league on the planet for a reason, and you've allowed me an experience I will never forget.

[Talon]

ONE BY ONE THE MEMBERS OF THE ORGANIZATION ENTER AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE TO THE TEAM BEFORE DEPARTING.  THE LAST BEING COACH MURDOCH.

Well, the ride's ending sooner than I expected, but if you ever do decide to come back to the league and you need a coach, you've got my number.

[Talon]

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to thank you for coming in today.  This has not been the season we had anticipated, but after much consideration after the departure of GM Gators, I knew that I needed to act boldly if I wanted to acquire a GM with a history of success.

I entertained the idea of waiting things out and seeing if a big fish failed to get a contract with his current club, the the risk was too great that I would miss out on my man, so when I spoke with Mr. Rains in Seattle, and I detected that he was willing to listen to an offer to buy out his GM and bring him into Louisville, I struck while the iron was hot.

GM Gooch has a history of rebuilding franchises.  He led the Missouri Bruins to the playoffs in two seasons.  He rebuilt the St. Paul Lynx into a 3-time conference title contender, and he did the same in Long Beach...

I see our biggest need as needing a man at the GM desk who has a passion for rebuilding a team, and that is what we have acquired in GM Gooch.   

With that, I would like to take this time to introduce and welcome GM Buckson Gooch to the Louisville Woodpeckers! 


GM Gooch, the floor is yours!

[GM Gooch]

BUCKSON GOOCH ENTERS THE PRESS CONFERENCE WEARING A BRIGHT RED SUIT WITH GRAY VEST, WHITE SHIRT, AND MATCHING RED TIE. HE SHAKES HANDS WITH TREY GALLOPS AND APPROACHES THE TABLE.


I appreciate the kind words from Mr. Gallops. I really do. It means a lot to me to be wanted. Trust has been put in me and I'm going to do my dead level best for that trust not to be misplaced.

I want to bring the same successes I've had in the past to Louisville, but I want to bring a championship here. It will take a few seasons to develop our team, I hope our fans can be patient as we grow. I view rebuilds like diesel engines, it may take a little while for them to get going, but when they do they stay going. That is our goal. Being perennial contenders. But it's going to be baby steps. Every team that has been contenders for a long period of time did a good job of developing their young talent. That is what we will have to have here in Louisville. I look forward to sitting down with the staff and assessing our strengths and weaknesses.

I like what I see with yards per game here in Louisville. We are averaging 412 ypg, but only getting 22.4 ppg. Hopefully an explosive playmaker like Austin Manchild is going to make a difference there. We are #10 in the league in YPG, but 30 in PPG. We are going to make some tweaks to find something that gets us points on the board.

Defense is interesting, we are 5 in the league in forced fumbles. What that tells me is that we have heart already on this team. We just have to cultivate that heart into not making mistakes. We currently sit at #4 in the league in missed tackles. That can happen if we are playing an aggressive style of football, but we can play aggressive football and do things right.

For both sides of the ball: The team that plays the hardest and makes the fewest mistakes wins the football game.

This week we have a battle with Atlanta. GM Adam is a very talented GM that has turned the ship around successfully there. They were in the same predicament we are in now a few seasons ago and he successfully traversed the waters into a contender. Atlanta is #18 in PPG and #27 in yards per game, almost the opposite of what we are working with. That means they are very efficient. If we are going to win this ballgame, we have to turn over the appletruck and stifle their progress. Their defense is like a bunch of mad dogs. They sack the QB, they hurry the QB, the only allow 35% of passes to be caught. We are going to have to find a similar efficiency as to their offense if we are going to compete in this game, and I suspect we will with some of the changes we will make.

Realistically, we aren't looking at breaking off a series of victories to end the year and push for the playoffs. I want to see sparks of greatness. Over time those sparks become a fire and it's what will warm us up in the standings. I want to see the players we have here to want to be here. I want to see who is doubling down in the trenches.

In my eyes, the future is bright here in Louisville and we are going to fill our roster with workers and leaders. I want, for the rest of the season, to see who are workers and leaders that I need to bring back and who we need to part ways with and hope they find success on another team.

Are there any questions?

[Talon]

Alright GM Gooch, welcome to the team.

This season we are clearly on track to be a top 3 draft pick, realistically we might get the #1 overall pick.   That being said, GM Gators did add some solid pieces to our team prior to his departure.   

This is my list of untouchable players this year.  I respectfully forbid you from trading any of these players between this season and the start of next year, I see them as valuable building blocks.

Jon Mathias -  the younger brother of a guy you might remember, Gino.   He's got the look of a really good young back up QB for us.

Randy Castro - a third round pick last year, he has stepped right in and played well, and we hope to see if he can develop into a better player.

John Larsen - as a 7th round steal, he is a starter either at center or guard for us for years to come and at a good price.

Robert Dobbins - Our first round pick a year ago, he isn't a speed receiver, but he is just like his uncle Joseph who showed some of the best hands the league had ever seen.  He is a great possession receiver.

Berry Blue - A 3rd rounder this last draft, he might not develop into a star but he is a solid CB to be in our starting rotation in some capacity as either a CB2 or CB3.

One player to consider trading could be our 1st round pick (20th overall) LB Carl Laney.  He is more of a pass rushing, run stopping linebacker who hasn't gotten on the field for us all season.  If someone is interested, we have depth at the position and could afford to let him go for a good trade.

Now, this year is a special circumstance, we have retained a lot of salary in trades because we have struggled so badly, but I do not want to make a habit of supplementing the league, On the flip side of that coin, we are a small market team, so until I give you the blessing, I never want to see us in the luxury tax.  We can't afford those types of expenses.


If you can agree to all of these terms, I'd like to offer you a new contract.  4 years for $3MM per season.

[GM Gooch]

I appreciate your forthrightness and I will abide by your words. I accept the terms of the contract you are offering me and look forward to turning Louisville into a winner.

[Talon]

 

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

[GM Gooch]

Let's talk coaches. We have Rudino are the healm and Jim Bob as a DC. How do we resolve the fact we are down a man every game?

I interviewed Rudino years ago. Very talented. Would you mind sharing more information? How does he work with youth, favorite style of offense, etc.

[Talon]

Son, I hire a GM to run football, I just sign checks and race horses; I'll leave you to your business!

YEEEEEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[GM Gooch]

Thank you sir! I appreciate you taking a risk on me. I'll do my best not to let you down.
------------
Please call in Coach Riding
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Hey Coach, it's nice to see a familiar person when coming to a new office. How are you enjoying being a head coach?

[Talon]

Hey GM Groosh!  Good to see you again!

I'm happy the team promoted me to interim head coach but it is obviously a tough situation considering the state of the team.  I promoted my nephew Ron from the QB coach position to OC to cover those duties this season, so we're making due.

[GM Gooch]

That sounds good, Coach.

You know I've been a fan of yours for a long time. I interviewed you for the Head Coaching job in St. Paul all those years ago, I believe I even interviewed you for an OC job at Long Beach, but my memory is fuzzy. I say all that to say, I'm excited you are here, but I want us to have mutual success. So I want to ask you a few questions about what is going to happen here in Louisville next season.

We have a ton of draft picks. A ton of GOOD draft picks. We are going to need to develop young players here in Louisville to have success. Do you feel like you are good with working with young talent and helping them reach their potential?

[Talon]

Yes, Yes I do.

[GM Gooch]

Awwwww yisssssss. Let's GOOOOO! That's what I was hoping to hear. Let's buckle up and get ready for the ride.

Let's talk personnel. I was thinking about making Vines our WR1, making Manchild WR2, but putting in package where Manchild gets to run the ball. I was also wanting to make Manchild the primary receiver. Any downsides to this plan?

[Talon]

 

Obviously the biggest issue is that Vines leads the league in drops, so making him our #1 receiver is just going to bring the GM Justin memes.

As for Manchild running the ball, I am a believer in doing one thing really well, and if he can be a top receiver or a top running back it would be great, but asking him to be a jack of all trades just means he'll never master any one thing.

[GM Gooch]

Good points, Coach.

Let's talk about linebackers. Does Van Buren immediately go to Mike? Anything we can do with Laney?

[Talon]

 

Van Buren and Lang are very similar players.  Nearly identical speed, very similar tackling ability, Van Buren is stronger and more agile, but Lang has elite IQ and great hands.  I think we play Lang in the middle, Van Buren on the strong side, and then decide between Benedict and Hancock for the opposite end, they are also very similar players, and in reality so is Laney, Laney is a touch faster, Benedict is a better tackler, and Hancock has the best agility; if we want to invest in Laney long term then we start him over those two; but any answer works.