MYRTLE BEACH MASTODONS [GM GOOCH]

[Talon]

 

Well I appreciate you doing that instead of just letting me go.  At least I get some cash.  Cheers.

[GM Gooch]

Cheers. Best wishes, Coach.
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Please call Coach Darrel Frankum.
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Coach Frankum, thanks for taking my call. I've enjoyed your work as a coordinator. Any interest in becoming a HIFL head coach?

[Talon]

 

Does a bear take a dump in the woods?!  If you're not trying to become a head coach in this league you shouldn't be coaching; never settle for second best, son!  That's my life motto!

[GM Gooch]

I like that a lot. We have a ton of draft picks coming up in the draft. If you had a preference, would you rather work with young green talent or established players?

[Talon]

 

Depends on if you want to win today or tomorrow, son.   With my background as a former college head coach though, I am great at developing young players and motivating them; that's my wheel house, especially linebackers and d-linemen.

[GM Gooch]

It's definitely going to be a few seasons before we really get firing here, so that is good to hear.

What is your style pertaining to getting players ready? I've seen some coaches go too hard on players and they turn against the coach, I've also seen coaches not go hard enough on players during practice and we end up with dinky, nagging injuries. What would you say your brand of practice and preparation would be?

[Talon]

I see myself as one of those Egyptians whipping those workers to build the pyramids faster.  Rome wasn't built in a day, but they didn't take many breaks either!

[GM Gooch]

I'll keep that in mind, Coach. Let me talk to a few more coaches and if I feel this is a great fit, I'll be calling you back shortly.
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Please get me in touch with Rod Baker.

GOOCH TAKES A BEAN-O AND SITS BY HIS PHONE
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Coach Baker. Great to talk to you. I heard about your resignation from Lincoln. Are you ready to jump back into the head coaching game? I know you are familiar with Louisville, wondered if you'd have interest in coming home.

[Talon]

GM Gooch, before we start I've got to be upfront with you; I'm deep in talks with Rapid City and GM Wrong who I've worked with in the past.  The fact of the matter is though, as a a Louisville native, the chance to interview for this job is one I have to take; so I'd be happy to answer your questions.

[GM Gooch]

I appreciate you fielding my phone call. I only have a few questions.

We have a ton of draft picks coming up in the draft. If you had a preference, would you rather work with young green talent or established players?

[Talon]

 

I'm very flexible in that I can work well with either or both.  My biggest strengths are my IQ, Flexibility, Discilpine, and that I have grown to coach both sides of the ball well, I just need a good offensive staff to develop positions.

[GM Gooch]

Your track record has proven your success with that.

If you were to work here, what money would we be looking at on the offensive and defensive side of the ball to get the staff that you need?

[Talon]

I mean in the end that's an I coach you GM thing but as far as options go; I can work with anyone but obviously more money means more high probability guys in successful positions.. Perfect world we go with a pair of $10MM staffs and dominate the coaching field, but I don't do the finances; so if we're in the $8MM each range or something similar with a little less on defense than offense ; I think we're in a good position.

[GM Gooch]

I like the sound of that. I believe we are going to be looking at a quarterback in this year's draft to be our guy, so I would prefer an elite staff to help develop whoever that may be.

What positions are you the strongest with? Weakest with?

[Talon]

D-Line, Linebackers, DB's are my strengths; weaknesses are Skill positions, special teams, and O-Line. QB isnt a strength or weakness, but it would trend towards weaker; so yeah while I can coach and scheme offense well; we want good player development guys on the offensive staff.

[GM Gooch]

I think I've heard what I need to hear, Coach.

I'd like to bring you in for 3 years at $15mm. How does that sound?

[Talon]

 

  Sounds like a deal.  I'm going to give Rapid City a chance to offer more, but consider me signed if they do not want to go up to $16MM.

[GM Gooch]

Yes sir. I won't interview anymore candidates until I get word. I want you.

[Talon]

 

  GM Gooch, I'm in. Let's fly.

[GM Gooch]

Ohh yeah!!!!! I'll be using $10mm on both offense and defense. Establish your dream team, Coach.

[Talon]

 

  Happy to be here; I've got work to do.

[GM Gooch]

I see the staff you've put together. I'm impressed! What do you feel our staff's greatest strengths are?

[Talon]

 

  Well, the QB Coach would be QBs... the RB coach is good at coaching RBs...  and on and on; and on and on...

Like Strangers waiting Up and down the boulevard, Their shadows searchin' in the night.. Streetlights, people, Livin' just to find emotion... Hidin', somewhere in the night!

[GM Gooch]

You're a trip, Coach. I'm gonna get started with RFA.
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Please get me in touch with Ryan Bogan.
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Hey Ryan, my notes indicate that you represent yourself. Is that still true?

[GM Gooch]

I just found I'm right. You can expect a message soon.

[Talon]

...smh

[GM Gooch]

Yeah. I'm a mess sometimes.

Could you get me in touch with Steve Rosenhaus?
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Steve, it's GM Gooch in Louisville, I'm interested in bringing back Henry Fish to the Woodpeckers. Would 3 years at $2.5mm make him a member of the Flock for the next few years?

[Talon]

Bring it up to 2.75MM and we'll make that deal, baby.

[GM Gooch]

Done, sir. Glad to have him back on board.

[Talon]

 

Excellent.

[Talon]

Hello GM Gooch,   I am Thomas Reese, the investigator looking into the recent allegations made against your boss.  Do you have a few minutes to answer a few questions?

[GM Gooch]

Hello Mr. Reese. I have some time. Feel free to ask questions.

[Talon]

I won't take much of your time.

First thing I'd like to know, have you and Mr. Gallops ever discussed team finances outside of the salary cap?

[GM Gooch]

I asked him once for some extra money to go to the combine and he said it was not available. I believe that is the extent of money he and I talked. I've only had two conversations with him. I took over mid season.

[Talon]

"Not available?"  An interesting concept. Were those his words?

[GM Gooch]

I guess it was more along the lines of we are a small market team and he didn't want to pay from his personal money to the franchise and I could find the money in the budget.

Hmmm...one thing does stick out though. He told me something along the lines of: "business has its checking account and I have my own; I'm not allowed to spend company money on myself, so I'm not spending my money on the company, either."

I was disappointed, but it is his franchise and he is free to run it how he likes.

[Talon]

 

Very interesting indeed. 

He is right about one thing, he is not supposed to spend organization money on himself.

He is a horse racer, a jockey, well a retired one, right?

[GM Gooch]

I never asked, but I know he loves the ponies.

[Talon]

Well, thank you for your time GM Gooch... OH, before I leave.  Same question in regards to Arnold Reigns and Behr Danzer... you have experience with both if I'm not mistaken?

[GM Gooch]

I don't recall any conversations about money with either of them. Both were professional with me and I never thought anything unscrupulous was going on. I was in Missouri in S5 and S6, so it's been a long time, but I only remember Mr. Danzer's kindness. I was only with Seattle for a short time and don't recall a time I ever talked money. Mr. Reigns may not be a big fan of me, but I respect him as a business man.

[Talon]

 

Well that will do it then, thank you for your time.  Call me if you think of anything else.

[GM Gooch]

Yes sir.

[Talon]

...uuhhhh, h-h-hello, thanks for coming to my press conference everyone.  I've never had a crowd this big that I didn't have to pay for.. h-h-hehe..  Well, I guess I did pay for this one too, like a lot!

*clears throat* 

*clears throat again, harder*

So yeah!  I'm Chad. You can call me Mr. McNelis or just call me NFT King, or my gamertag which is NFTLord843xX

Yeah.  So I'm here.  I'm the new boss and I fully plan on moving this organization out of this state right away, we will be moving to my home state of South Carolina effective immediately.   ...here to tell you all about those - those plans is my personal hype man, Quinn-C Cole.






Thank you NFT KING!   And hello media, hello Louisville, and HELLO WORLD.   Iam Quincy Cole! A-K-A! QUINN-C DA GAWD A-K-A! @QuinnC420 A-K-A! The No Quit Spitta! A-K-A! The NFT Viceroy!  A-K-A! Ya Boi With the Toys!

Welcome to a new world for the high impact football league, the world of THEE NFT KING. 

When my man wants something, WE GET IT DONE!   When my man thinks of something, WE HEAR IT LOUD AND CLEAR!  And when my man says "do it" ITS ALREADY DONE!

Now, we have broken ground on a new stadium that will be ready next season, and until then we will be playing our games and running our operations from  Columbia, South Carolina at the Campus of the University of South Carolina... Go Gamecocks!

We will be playing our games out of William-Brice Stadium this season, but next season we will have our very own Dome in our new home city... MYRTLE BEACH, SOUTH CAROLINA! 

THESE ARE THE WORDS OF THE NFT KING, BOW TO YA KING!


EPIC MIC DROP

[Talon]

Hey man, I'm Joe but you can call me Joe.  I'm your new bosses uncle, the fun kind.. you know, kind've like a funcle.. yeah...

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Yeah, I'm the new assistant here in Mission Beach, or Myrtle Bay.. whatever it is man.. you know, the place, with the things.


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...So I have your books here, I wouldn't say we were in a crisis but you've got $8.5MM  and $55.59 in bonus or something like that... 

Or maybe its 59.55 and 8.55..  C'mon man, Funcle Joe is a little rusty here; give me a break....

We could do a push-up contest, or maybe I take you around back and beat you up like I did to that guy, that time at the place... Corn pop!
Yeah, I'll beat you up like cornpop and take a nap on you like one of those furry animals with the claws.. the ones that poop in a sand box and bury it.. you know those things..   man....


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Call me your funcle, Funcle Joey.

[Talon]

Whoa, Whoa... Hey dude. Sorry about "Funcle Joe"  he's a little out there.   Anyways, I'm Andy.  Look, I heard you don't like the typical HIFL secretary... you know, beautiful women with their lovelies spilling out left and right... so when I heard that on the dark web or reddit or whatever, I figured what's better for a guy who doesn't want to look at a beautiful woman all day than this guy!?! 

Anyways.. I'm here to apply for the job, unless you want Funcle Joe here...

[Talon]

HOLD UP. WAIT A MINUTE.

Yes, that's right, player three has entered the game.  The name is Carlton, Carlton Swift.  I'm good at what I do and I'll leave it at that.  If you want a results driven aid with that dawg in him, you tell these boys to kick it to the beach and lets get to work.

Your choice... Me, Andy here, or Funcle Joe.  Make your decision.

[Talon]

CHOOSE YOUR DESTINY

[GM Gooch]

While I appreciate the applications, I'm going to have to go with Andy.

[Talon]

Two words for you other guys!   SUCK IT!!!

HaHa!  Alright boss!  I'm here and ready to work.   We have $59.55MM and $8.5MM in bonus heading into UFA.

[GM Gooch]

I'm at a different number. My records indicate I'm at 65.06mm in cap, while I have the same $8.50mm in bonus.