TUCSON STARS [GM PANCHO]

[Talon]

Loud and clear boss, looking forward to a fruitful partnership.

[Talon]

WITH YOUR STAFF FULLY HIRED, YOU ARE INVITED TO THE SCOUTING COMBINE.  YOU MAY SUBMIT YOUR SPENDING VIA THE LEAGUE OFFICE.

[Talon]

Hey boss, After signing our draft picks we have 12 open roster positions to fill with $7.65MM in salary cap and $3MM in bonus available to do so. We require a punter but the remaining roster spots are flexible.  We also have $6.3MM in off-season bonus money remaining as well.

The experts over Pro Football Focus gave us a draft score of 84.7 which was 6th in the league.

If you have any questions, let me know asap.

[GM Pancho]

Ms. Morningstar, after reviewing my notes your numbers are correct.  I was hoping to see if we could survive Arthur Matthews retirement and not extend out the payment of his contract.  I will make a decision about that soon as we prepare for UFA.  I've sent you some preliminary paperwork - we should be in good standing.

[Talon]

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE, SON?!

Now GM Pancho, I like to think of myself as a pretty level headed man, but there is an old expression Grand-mama Crowley said quite a few times during my adolescent years; you see she would sit back in that old hickory rockin' chair and say to me, "Now Boy, Fool me once that's shame on you, but if you fool me twice that's shame on me. ...and son, I ain't gonna tell you what happens if you fool me a third time."

...She would proceed to produce a much more limber piece of hickory from behind that very rockin' chair and she'd lay into me and my kin until we knew that we would never make that transgression again.

I carried that with me all my days, and that's why I'm a damn fine Bounty Hunter, you hear?


...But I digress, GM Pancho the first time you cost me money, that is on me.

This second time I look like a gottdamn fool.

You have got a lot of explaining to do and you've got to do that while not diggin' that grave any deeper because 'round these parts if you dig the hole too deep, nobody's gonna be there to help you climb out.

[GM Pancho]

Mr. Crowley you're right. I've made a fool of you. No sense denying the truth that's in front of us.

You're asking for an explanation - when there is none.  But I believe you came here not seeking an explanation; what's done is done.  You came to me asking if I have a solution cause you're damn sure I can cause problems. 

And I'll just remind you the reason you hired me.  My resume.  Yeah I've got the three rings but I've had numerous fuck ups.  Mr. Crowley you're an original franchise - you remember me in Long Beach? Armand Block? What did Bobby Shapiro say about our relationship? Something about a bridge and C4.  Now I've got that man on speed dial and we break bread at the dinner table.

You didn't hire me because I don't screw up.  In fact, I'm pretty sure that candidate doesn't exist for this job.  You hire me because I perform DESPITE screwing up.  I understand that my resume only takes me so far and whatever leash I was on just got real tight.  But while it's getting hard to breath I still have enough breath in my lungs to get the job done.  No safety net.  No more problems.  I'll get us cap compliant and out of debt in time for pre season.  Just let me go to work.

GM Pancho breaks out his cell phone which is already vibrating.

I want to get to work Mr. Crowley - all you got to let me do is finish the job?  You still don't like what I have done by the time pre season comes around - at least trade me for some assets.

[GM Pancho]

After convincing himself that his owner could not fire him if he remained perfectly still - GM Pancho finally breathes as it seems he has his job ... for now. What he does have is his work cut out for him. Every step a fucking adventure.

Ms. Morningstar I don't want to disappoint that man again so let's get to work.

Can you get me James T Crain on the line please.

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Mr. Crain thanks for taking my call - looking to add a punter to our special teams. I wanted to give your client Perry Trout the opportunity.  1 year 1 Million.

[Talon]

 

We'll take that.

[GM Pancho]

Paperwork will be in soon enough. Thanks.

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Ms. Morningstar now it's time for Eli Harris

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Eli! Thanks for taking the call. FS Jesse Jackson - looking to offer him an opportunity 1 year 500k.

[Talon]

 

My man..  lets do it.

[GM Pancho]

Paperwork will be in soon enough. Thanks.

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Ms. Morningstar now it's time for Scott Forrest

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Mr. Forrest always a pleasure speaking with you.  I've got a contract and an opportunity for your client DT Michael McCain - 1 year 500k - let's keep him close to home.

[Talon]

Deal.

[GM Pancho]

Paperwork is in. Thanks.

----

Ms. Morningstar now it's time for Francisco Bien

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Senor Bien, mucho gusto.  Gracias por resivir mi llamada. I am reaching out to discuss SS Ronwen Modiba. I may have found a solution that prevents us from parting ways.  As you were aware I was discussing a deal with a GM and you were contacted about a restructure.  That deal ultimately fell through but I hope the topic of a restructure has not.

Currently you're client will make $8 Million this year and then $12 Million over the next two.

I would like to restructure your client's contract so that he makes $7 Million this year but $16 Million over the next two. In short - S18 - $6 Million Salary and $1 Million Bonus - S19 & S20 - $7 Million and $1 Million Bonus.  I give you my word I won't cut/trade him so he'll see every last dollar of it. Que piensas?

[Talon]

  You know what, we will do that, not so much for you, but because Rowen loves Tucson, it has been good to him since coming over from South Africa.

[GM Pancho]

I owe a debt of gratitude to you, Mr. Modiba and the city of Tucson then. I will send the updated paperwork to the league office.  Gracias por escucharme

[Talon]

 

No problema, just be sure to remember you gave us your word that he will not be going anywhere.

[Talon]

 

Hey boss, We have until October 1st to get locked in for training camp or we will forfeit our mini-camps.